Thursday, 23 March 2017

BROKEN part 1

Am Sandra Millton ......growing up for me was real fun, the only daughter of an
oil company manager, you know what that means.
I was well brought up by Godly parents but that didnt take the fun away from me,
outings, movies and shopping made my weekend, i used my pocket money to bribe our househelp so i can catch my fun.
The good thing was i was well mannered, i never argued or shouted at my elders , for that reason, the servants at home loved me and made me had my way most times, mummy's presence at home felt like prison though she allows me to hang out with friends, she times me wella, most times i wonder if she was the janitor in her school days.....
I was an epitome of beauty, am not bragging, i had many guys on my list as
young as 15, they wanted to date me, but damn it, am too busy for love, i had
enough from family, they cant even use money too entice me, i had enough that
i can even buy a boyfriend if i wanted, my female friends were my companion
and cheer leader , so am so cool with them.......
I left school as the best student in class, to the surprise of many.....i had more
than enough time to study at home....
University was fun for me...i stayed on campus, one bedroom flat, who could be
luckier than me, i asked in my quiet time.
This time, i wanted to be serious, study well and come out with flying colours, as usual, the guys kept coming, i kept pushing them away, then life played a trick on me....i had a crush on a friend, my studymate..... That was the first mistake

i made to get myself attached to a guy wen they were girls to study with..... i kept this feelings to myself, pride wont let me say it out, we were so close, we did everything together, from reading to gisting to hanging out to even attending fellowship together.
He was so nice and i felt i had found a husband in him, i secretly waited for the
big question and wished it came as soon as possible, but i didnt see it coming and i kept fun on the beat.....
I fell ill one weekend, he came around and was so helpful, as usual, i wanted to
call home, but he stopped me and said he would help out, you know that smile,
i was glad and thanked him endlessly even wen i knew it was my money he spent
on me.
After few weeks....i got better, but i messed up alongside , we had sex and i got
up from malaria to pregnanria....damn!!!! i was pregnant, i cried all night, my family, my degree, my religion, my whole world was crumbling under me, i had no female friend i could confide in.... so it was just me, my thoughts and my decision.
I called him on phone to tell him what was on ground, he was happy and apologised, saying he is ready to set things right, i felt relieved, am in three hundred level, so being a wife is not a bad idea i told myself, but the magic was he never called me again, i did the calling, and what i got was 'i'm
busy'....even in class, he left after lectures telling me he had business deals, so i felt he was trying to make some day i paid him a visit, Lo and behold, i met his mum and his sister which he boldly introduced to me ....... then he took me outside that we needed to talk, just then one tiny lady came and dragged him inside.
This tiny girl, i thought, who could she be? I wondered, i called him on the phone, he came outside, and told me i had to leave, 'am pregnant, David', i shouted, 'young woman , stop ranting', he replied, 'you have to go', he repeated.
I walked away like a dejected soul that i was, i wept as i got back to my room, for the first time, i spoke the pidgin that i neva knew had registered in my memory overtime, 'which kind dirty game be this' i kept on crying, by then , i knew my whole life was in a mess. Like a flash, memories of that night ran through my mind, i was ill , but i was getting better, he laid me on his laps as he patted my back, and stroked my hair, i felt so special, after which, he laid me on the bed, went to get a cup of tea, and joined me on the bed, we discussed deep into the night, feelings strolled in, moods changed, hands running through, i forgot i was ever ill, just like a spark, i lost my innocence to a man i was never sure felt the same way about me.
Just then, there was a knock on my door that brought me back to my world of foolishness as i tagged it, it was David, 'how can i help you' , i asked, 'am sorry things turned out this way' he began ' we were meant to be best of friends, not lovers, getting you pregnant wasn't my intention, besides, am in a serious relationship' he concluded, common sense said the rest to me .
I went straight to my door, opened it wide, and told him to walk out, he kept on apologising, 'getout' i screamed, 'haven't you done enough?, you never intended to get me pregnant, sex is for money making , not baby making, you've made money, so getout', like a lost sheep, he walked out.
It was just me in my world in a strange land schooling, i couldn't tell my mum or dad, they might disown me, i told myself, am not aborting it, i got into an undefined relationship, so i packed my bags went home, stayed a week, told my mum i was going back to school, i'll start up a business alongside, and wont be back till after a year, because i'll be juggling studies and business, she was easy to convince , i told her to inform my dad wen i leave, i was so careful and agile, that she never noticed the pregnancy till i went back to school , Aunty Gladys ,our maid almost noticed it, she said i added weight, i waved it off and told her, i have been overfeeding, 'this woman want to destroy my already scattered destiny' i told myself and disappeared, before her third eye will reveal more things to her.
School was hectic, David was just too busy, and i occupied myself wit irrelevant things to keep my busy too, but the pain in my heart was still there.
I did no business even, the money my parents sent was just enough for me and my unborn baby, my dad called me to know the kind of business i wanted to do, i told him it was just something i wanted to set up in line wit my course, he was happy , and told me i was getting matured, i thanked him, and dropped the call, 'matured and stupidly pregnant' i murmured to myself.
After class one day, i came back to my flat, and meet Aunty Gladys, i nearly slumped, as she opened her mouth and stared at my protruded tummy.
'Sandy, what happened? What is the meaning of this' she asked, i wept as i fell on my knees, and begged her not to tell my parents, she lifted me up and took me inside, 'my child ,talk to me' she said, i felt loved , i've neva felt that way in a long while , 'what really happened?, though am not really suprised, i noticed it when you came home' she continued, at that point, i was weak, i narrated the whole ordeal to her, she said she wont go back and leave me in this confusion, 'what will you tell mum and dad' i asked, 'dont worry about that, leave it to me' ,true to her words, she stayed wit me, i used my pocket money to startup a trade for her to keep her busy while i was in class, and she was so grateful, she made good money out of it and even boughts stuffs for my baby, she took me for ante-natal, and really cared for me, i was even begining to enjoy the pregnancy, 'stupid me' i called myself and smiled, when such thoughts came to my mind.
Scan revealed it was a baby girl, and my blushing knew no bounds, i got tired of schooling even, i just wanted my baby, though i still attended lectures, and was doing pretty well, i was still anxious about being a mother, David never cared, and i wasn't bothered, he didn't rape me, i did it wit my eyes wide open, so i bear the consequences alone, aunty Gladys is now my backbone, what more do i need? I asked myself...
Weeks rolled into months, and my time for delivery drew closer, I missed some exams, so i had two carry overs when i went to deliver my baby, i can always read up for sure, so i wasn't bothered either  , what mattered was my baby girl, and nothing more, my delivery was so safe, baby Sandra was healthy and strong, she looked just like me, but she had the guts to take after her dad's lips, i stared at her, and memories of him singing to me ran through my mind 'Sandra, get sense' something said inside of me, i waved off the thoughts and focused on the edge life has dumped me.
My baby had sickle cell anemia, she was SS, the doctor never told me though, but he informed aunty Gladys, during the holidays, i was reading, while she slept by me, i felt her body, so hot, while some part, cold, i screamed, 'Aunty Gladys, pls come, come and see' she came and we took the baby to the hospital, they said she needed blood, i ran into the lab, but they said i should call her father, David ke? Is that one a somebody? I asked, please buy blood from the blood bank, i cried alongside,i called him but couldn't reach him on phone, i ran to his house, he was having his wedding, 'David, my baby is dying, please she needs you alone', i cried, he stood staring at me 'am having my wedding please, cant you use your eyes' he continued, i was begging him, unitil the pastor spoke to him, and he followed me, we got to the hospital, did the donation, and he left, i went home to freshen up, before i came back, i didn't meet my baby or aunty Gladys, the doctor said , they just left, so i got back home, i meet only aunty Gladys, 'aunty , my baby na' i asked, 'she died, she has sickle cell' my brain bursted, i fainted, my only source of joy and strenght, my effort, my degree, my whole life, 'God, i know i was dumb to sleep with my friend, i thought you've forgiven me?, why me? I kept on crying, i was depressed, one day, i decided to end it all, i mixed rat poision in a cup and drank the poision and laid on the bed, life started sipping out of me, by the time Aunty Gladys returned, i was stiff on the bed, she called out my name timelessly as she rushed me to the hospital, i was kept in the intensive care unit, the doctor called her aside and told her i took overdose of a sleeping powder, she gave me TLC treatment, tender loving care ,after a week, i was discharged, i kept on wondering why i didnt die, i showed the container, and asked her the content, she smiled, and said 'i know you'll attempt killing yourself, i hid all the sharp objects , replace the poision wit a sleeping drug, and moreover, we had only standing fans, so you cant possibly hang yourself, i told the gateman to make sure you dont leave the compound, before you will go and drown yourself' i was furious, ' aunty Gladys why?, what am i living for? I cant keep a baby, i cant keep a man, i cant make good grades, give me one reason why i should live, i've failed my parents, why should i breathe?' 'Sandra, live because God hasn't written you off' she replied, 'He has, he watched my baby die' i replied as i fell on my knee, 'but i still love you Sandra, i still care, i still adore you, your my princess, God knew all this will happen and he kept me by you, is that not enough, pls live because of me' she continued, wit this words, i was calm.
I sat down, ate the food she served me, and held my baby's picture as i fell into a deep sleep, i woke up after 4hrs and saw Aunty Gladys sitting by me, 'your not sleeping or selling?', 'so you will kill yourself' she replied ' baby girl, live to shame your past and live to be above it, make your parents proud again, this pregnancy saga is out of the way, so open ur mind, dust your feet and come back to life, i'll always stand by you' she continued. I thanked her and went to the living room, sat there and thought of my whole life, i made up my mind, mourned my baby for one full month, it was holiday , so i had all the time, i woke up stronger the next  session, and returned back to school refreshed.
Beautifully and amazingly dressed, i stormed on David in the school canteen when i went to get bottled water, he was dazzled by my sight, i stopped by greeted him and walked away, he meet me in class, and asked if we could see a movie together, i smiled and replied ' mr best of friends, go and meet ur wife and wife her well' am not enticed, not anymore.
Sincerely, i hated guys now, i became rude, life has played out on me, i wasn't calm anymore as i was as a growing girl, we were in final year, so i just wanted to make good grades, and get out of school, aunty Gladys kept on encouraging me on a daily basis, my mum visited one day, i meet her and aunty Gladys chatting wen i entered my flat, 'fat baby ' she screamed at me as she hugged me, my bag fell as i returned the hug, just then, my baby's picture fell down from the bag, before she could notice, aunty Gladys used her feet to drag it and push it under the bed, me, i've already fainted even, when she relieved me from the hug, she turned me around and told me how much of a big girl i was, within me , i was like 'this woman do, leave me' when she was done talking and praising me, she entered the room and saw my baby's clothes. Sandra, what are you doing with baby wears? My mouth was shaking, aunty Gladys replied 'its part of what we sell, business management student, you know? ' we all laughed, she didn't stay long, she left and things became normal.
Graduation day came at last, i woke up that morning and i wept, i cried for hours, aunty Gladys was suprised 'why are you crying?' i replied 'am leaving school with a second class upper and David is going with a first class, the news is all over', she advised, and advised, get up and get dressed you are late... I did as she said, on getting to the graduation hall, David was been honoured  as the best student in the school with a first class degree, he sighted me from where he stood, and what i heard next was 'am dedicating this award to Sandra Millton'
I stood amazed, thinking if i should embarass life out of him or pretend and walk up to the podium, i heard aunty Gladys speaking into my head 'live above your past', so i walked up to the podium, gave him a handshake and a hug and walked away, as i walked down, i was called as the best student in my class, and i was awarded a job ,while he got a masters scholarship, it was suppose to be the other way round i thought, just then , my HOD winked at me, i knew she played a role in it, i gave my vote of thanks, my parents were around, surprisingly, they popped out and took photos with me, me too, i dedicated my award to aunty  Gladys, not minding the look on my mum's face, we drove straight to the family house, and had a suprise party that was organized for me, there, i meet my childhood friend , Gabriel, i smiled, his parents bought me a car, smart me, i sensed arrangee marriage, 'wetin concern me?' i murmured as the party continued.
After the whole celebration, i crashed on the bed, so i thought of my school days, wow! Am home, never to return to that campus, aunty Gladys would bring my things home, so i just relaxed at home, waiting to go for my masters, Gabriel came around frequently and took me out most evenings, i flowed with it, because i know my dad has always desired him to be my husband, so let it just be that way, i'm moving on , that's what truly mattered.
The thing was i never had love to give out, i was just being 'me', no emotional attachment, i just felt too big to show those crazy feelings, his love is okay for the two of us, we'll share in it..
Finally, the day to go abroad came, for the master's programme, he came around, had a little get together, and he officially engaged me, nice ring, as i turned my fingers in admiration, the marriage was set to take place wen i returned.
One good day, David called me, asked how i was faring, and told me how much he has missed me, life without me was hard, he even prefered seeing me and not talking to me, than not seeing me at all, i laughed, i said 'life without me is hard baby, just kill yourself' , then i hung up... Life abroad was cool, i didnt get close to any guy, they all looked like annoying creatures, beautiful me, they cant just resist....
To cut the long story short, i came home after a year, i and Gabriel got married, i kept my past and nothing about it showed up, though i told my mum before my wedding day, her reaction suprised me, she cried bitterly, and blamed herself for not being a good mother, 'i'm a bad child' , i concluded, so she would stop, my marriage was blessed wit two kids, a girl that reminded me of my first child, and a boy that looked just like me, i was a proud mother and wife...
I never set my eyes on David again, he only called once to invite me for his child's dedication, which i never attended.
My husband was a good man, i was so annoying as a wife, but he never cared, he still loved me, to make matters worst, i got back to my fun filled life, though on a low key, but i had fun, when ever he want on official duty outside the state, i'll hang out alone, visit places, and chilled out, my househelp took proper care of my kids, when he returns, i'll stay calm...
Tragedy struck three years later, i had a fatal motor accident, that placed me on a wheel chair, and took my daughter's life, again?
Tears dried out of my eyes, i was dumb for weeks, i was speechless, my mum and husband cried tirelessly, atleast, i still had one son, so my marriage was still intact, i was placed on a therapy, so i could get back on my feet, one day, i returned, and meet an unexpected visitor, seeing him alone, choked life out of me, this is my wife, the one you seek to see, pls narrate your story to her, i was shivering as he began to talk
I was amazed, i was so dumb, 'speak up,young lady' my husband shouted, i was shivering, 'yes, i know him, his Mike' i said. Mike and i were friends, he was a copper back then, he was my friend when ever you went to your place of work, he kept me company and catered for my needs in ur absence, though , not much, he came around and did the cooking, we chatted like friends, and ate together...
Mike was a friend from the past, from university days to be precise, just like every other person, i had a past i wasn't proud off, which he knew off, at first, it was almost like a game of blackmail, but i told him, its my past, let him deal with it...
I enjoyed his company and was ready to keep it, not minding that i was married, i felt like having him around when ever you were absent, he later told me, he was in love wit me, and desired to be my husband, i was not a fan of love, let's keep being friends i told him, and he accepted.
After a long while feelings stepped in, love making became a part of the friendship, months later, i became pregnant, i told him, he said he was just a copper, and had his future to strive for, i told him, not to bother, i'll cater for my self and the unborn baby.....
do you want to know how my life finally ended?
how my husband handled it
if Mike is actually the father of my son??
yeah...David came back blaming me....
My parents......
Anuty Gladys......
..... So Long a Story.... TO BE CONTINUED.................................